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You know how some women are so proud to jump into the feminist bandwagon but is also quick to judge other women just because others’ actions don’t coincide with the morals they hold dear? Oh, I know a lot of them. One time, some of my co-workers are talking about this girl who is somehow […]

via Get Off Your High Horse — 3amhorros

Get Off Your High Horse — 3amhorros

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A Cute Little Story

I don’t write very often so you probably didn’t know that I’m a sucker for sad stories. But not today! Today I’m done with my job early and I’m watching “The Long Distance Dissonance” – The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon Cooper finally proposed to Amy Farrah Fowler so I’m inspired to write a somewhat similar cute little story.

This story is about two girls who know each other for over 10 years. They’ve been inlove with each other for a long time too. And since they’re both girls inlove in an unforgiving world, they try to hide their feelings, run away from it, ruin each other, but it did not work. Three years ago, though, they accidentally hurt each other very badly where their resolution was to not talk to each other for over three years until recently. They started messaging each other again, but the other girl is working on a different country now, so let’s just say it’s a long distance relationship. It was working though, they have talked their differences and said their sorry’s about hurting each other. The other girl is going home in a few more months and so they promised each other that when she goes home, they will try and repair their relationship. But a few more months is still a long time for two hearts restless to belong. So they decided to count the days until they see each other again, but counting down the days seem to make the wait much longer. One day, an epiphany happened, they stopped counting and just agreed to call the big day “soon”. Soon they will unite, and maybe, just maybe, this time they aren’t afraid anymore of what they feel. Maybe this time, they will make it right with the feelings that will not die, a fire that can’t be put out.

But that wasn’t the cute story though… That was the reality that’s going on. The chatting everyday up until 3 am, the adjusting with each other’s time zones just so they could eat meals together, the virtual dates that seemed too hard to pull out. And long distance relationships seemed to be really difficult so they agreed to make believe. They agreed to pretend like they’re just living in the same city they named as Aurora (a name significant to both of them), doing different jobs, trying to date, and just trying to have normal lives. Like living in a John Green novel or in one of Harry Styles song.

Who knew that LDR could be this easy?

To be continued…

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Soledad or Beatrice

Once i hoped that in another universe, or in another dimension or maybe in another lifetime I could be with you for eternity. We may not have been able to make it in this life, but in another we probably could. Don’t you think?

You moved away and for years we’re not talking. Not even a simple hello. But recently, your name appeared again. I can feel the love again through our “haha’s” and “I missed talking to you” phrases. In a few months, you’ll be home you said. You said you want to spend your days here with me, only me. I promised you, “just go home and I’m yours!” when what I really want to say is “I still love you.” But that phrase scared me so i reinvented it by saying “I’ll plan our trips when you get home” or “we’ll play in the arcade again like we used to.”

You’ve always been my Soledad, my God given solace. But you seem to be my Beatrice too, someone I will always love but only from afar.

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Homophobia Is Stupidly Dangerous

In the early days, I view homophobia as just a stupid stance. Now it it escalated to stupidly dangerous. I can’t fathom the fact that most people would justify the torture and killing of another human being just because they choose to love another person of the same “assigned sex”. Before we continue, let’s first discuss what I meant when I say “assigned sex”. For example, I was born a Person but because of some social conundrums that I really didn’t care much when I came out of the womb, I was assigned to be a female. Well I didn’t really have much of a choice back then because if I had, I would have chosen to be a gender-less direwolf, they’re fluffy and scary at the same time.

Anyway, I’m not just writing this article because one man armed with a powerful riffle chose to gun down more than 300 people and managed to kill 49 of them in Orlando, Florida. Or because out of 55 countries in Africa, 36 of them considers same-sex relations as illegal and punishable by death. Or because Christianism, Islamism and other religious fundamentalists considers homosexuality as immoral. But because it is in my moral stance that EVERYONE, whether your straight, homosexual, a christian, a muslim, or just a normal person who doesn’t give a s**t about all these, should have the Freedom to Live, Love, and exercise your own Rights so long as your actions would not violate that of others. And I strongly believe that your rights as a person and as a citizen of your country should be protected especially by those appointed in the government. Just recently, the boxer Manny Pacquiao was elected as a Senator, a law-maker here in the Philippines. A man who harbored support from the prejudice majority by calling gay people “worse than animals”. He even sited a bible verse to support his claims. He once said in an interview that if he will be elected, he will still stand by his religious beliefs or something like that because the government needs a “God fearing” official. Electing Manny Pacquiao for me is not just shameful, but is also detrimental to the country. How can a law-maker of this country perform effectively by basing everything on his religious beliefs when this country is consist of different people, with different religious beliefs and belongs to different groups. That will just promote inequality and oppression of others who don’t have the same belief system as his. Would he also condemn Muslims for being polygamous because their religion allows them and in the christian teachings adultery is a sin? I have nothing against the man but I’m tired of all these biblical fundamentalism used by opportunistic politicians who eats hate-filled bile statements for breakfast just to strike a popular chord. I’m tired of people who uses bible verses and their religions as a smokescreen for their own prejudices. I’m tired of people giving out damnation pamphlets saying “fags will go to hell” and preaching that god loves you and that he created you in his own image in the same breath. I really don’t think God cares if you like it up to your ass! I mean seriously people, there are more pressing issues. What about child molestation, rape, poverty, deadly diseases? Don’t you have any other outlet for your self proclaimed holiness other than the LGBTQ community?

I understand that these religious institutions won’t allow same sex marriage inside their own humble churches and I respect that. I think most people who are queer respects that too. I really don’t think that they really need a church to affirm that the Christian God, or The Islam God, or the Buddhist God, or whoever god this world has, recognizes their union.I know I don’t. All we are asking is to be recognized by the state as a couple, to have a right to own a conjugal property, or if my partner lies in the hospital bed someday, I would be able to get inside her hospital room hold her hand and say goodbye to her because I’m legally considered to be her life partner. If straight people can exercise those rights, I think it would only be fair that the queers will also be given those same rights.

All you religious fanatics, please understand that this is not about you, or your beliefs or your prejudices. All we are asking is Equal Rights for everyone, including you pricks! And I really don’t think that if you face your maker in the judgment day (assuming that is really happening), your maker would be pleased to know that you killed, or judged, or terrorized all his other creations because they’re gay, lesbians, etc. So seriously people, don’t kill other people just because you think your god as a bigger dick than others.

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Poetry of the Oppressed

Lately, I seem to fall in love with Button Poetry. It’s a group of poets who do performance poetry or I’d like to call it, the artistic performance of the oppressed. The later part is maybe because I think watching the performance poetry regarding oppression are the most stunning performances I’ve seen so far.

The thing that draws me to button poetry is because I love almost all forms of art, from performance arts to literary, to design to prints, photography and so on. I used to participate in creative writing, but kinda lost the passion along the way. I used to think that art is my only way to survive since I grew up troubled. Now I’m 26 and I’m still in trouble in so many ways, I think.

Now I know why I love performance poetry about oppression or why I lost my artistic side. That’s because I, too grow up oppressed. I learned the word silence before I even learned to hear my own voice. I learned that shooting stars are just dead sporadic meteors before I learned how to make sincere wishes. I was pushed to learn the science of everything before I fully enjoyed the wonders of the world. Everything should be properly explained and all actions should always fall into the norm. So I grew up a skeptic which eventually, I didn’t really like. I lost too many people and too many opportunities because I was a skeptic and cynical about almost everything, but mostly, because I grew up afraid that I might do something wrong or that I may not be able to defend or explain why I did what I did. So yeah, I’m still a little bit in trouble.

Despite everything, I learned not to hate the adults that surrounded me when I was little for making me who I am right now. I understand that they also have no idea how to raise a child, especially when that child starts to learn how to think for herself and question the things that surrounds her. But this I promise, if ever I’d be lucky to bring another human form into this world, I would let her/him be whoever she/he wants to be and promise to support her/him whatever the cost. That she/he will be able to choose her/his own identity, whoever she/he wants to love, that she/he can make her/his own mistakes whether she/he can explain it to me or not.

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If I Hadn’t Said Yes To A Few Drinks!

It has been ages since I last wrote something on my blog, but I guess that’s kind of my thing. I do write a lot before. I just don’t publish it ’cause I’m not that confident. I used to be really passionate about writing when I was a kid, but I lost it when I grew up and realized that the world are surrounded by horrible beings. Not all of them though, but most of them. . Especially people at work, people that surround me at my job are ridiculously horrible individuals, arrogant, self-absorbed narcissists who can’t even enumerate the function of their frontal lobe or may not even have the slightest idea that they have one. At first it didn’t bother me, but then their crap started to weigh on me. It slowed me down and made me disgusted at every moment I am surrounded by them (Ugh).  So I requested a change in my duty hours. I like my new shift because most of the time I am left alone, which peacefully allows me to think and be productive. Though I know sooner or later I have to go back to my old shift because so many reasons. So cheers! I’ll probably drink even more when I go back to my old shift.

Well actually, I don’t want to talk about my overly – confident colleagues. They’re not the reason why I’m writing now. The first part was just me venting and I can’t help it. I wanna talk about my drinking. On my previous entry “I’m Not Extroverted Unless I had A Few Drinks!”, I talk about the downside of my drinking. Now I will talk about the good sides (huh… a silver lining after all). I used to be a non-affective kind of person. People who are close to me says I’m too hard and I don’t allow anyone to get near me. But not if I’m drunk! No one in my world has imagined that I’ll fall in love just because I said yes to a few drinks. I’m happy with who I am with and I also never have thought that I would be this happy and content. My closest friend say’s I’ve changed a lot since then, in a good way and she’s lucky that I am trying to be the best that I could for her. But I think I’m the one who got lucky here. Most of the time I hurt people because of the brutal honesty that goes out from my mouth and they can’t handle that and I never thought there would be someone who’s willing to be with me because of that. Most importantly, I’m a better person now because she inspires me to be better.

Just to be clear, I’m not encouraging anyone to drink alcohol. What I’m just trying to say is sometimes, it’s okay to loosen up a bit and be carefree or venture into the unknown. As the saying goes, “You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”.

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I’m Not Extroverted Unless I had A Few Drinks!

I am a subtle observer. I do notice what people are doing and how they’re acting when they’re around me, but they don’t usually notice that I’m noticing them. I have quite mastered that art of blending in. It’s not that I intend to spy into other people’s lives, it’s just my way of understanding things. As a result, I do have a lot of perceptions of other people and sometimes I do over-think but it usually doesn’t come out. It just stays on my mind where it’s safe unless I had a few drinks!! I do drink a lot and I’m tactful when I’m drunk. I have said a lot of things that may have hurt a lot of people, I’m not sure though, I usually forget what I’ve said after I’m sober.

I may have hurt someone the last time I was out drinking with my new beer mates. I’m quite not comfortable sharing it, but I think I said things that are really terrible to a particular individual. It wasn’t entirely my faultthough, since it wasn’t me who started it. My mistake was that I may have gone way too far with the subject.

I really don’t know where this is going or how it’s gonna end. I just want to write about it so to remind to be careful next time, especially when I’m on the influence of the alcohol that I love so much.

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Catching Up

It’s just January 8 so I guess it’s yet not too late to share my experience last year or just last month. Well, I was baptized and raised as a Roman Catholic and before the 25th we have these 9 days Novena Masses. During the 3rd day, the Priest was talking about not giving up, not giving up on the government, not giving up on being nice even to those who aren’t nice, not giving up on faith, and not giving up on life. It hit me big time since I have doubts and my faith is quite shaking. I don’t know if anyone can relate, but I have a lot of questions like, if there’s a gracious and loving God, then why has He allowed bad things to happen to good people, or why has He ignored all those brutalities happening around the world where the government suppresses its own peoples’ rights and kills them like cattle’s in a slaughter house. And if they say God is gracious and merciful like He is, is He gonna punish me for having thoughts like these. Don’t get me wrong, I want to believe that there is something out there. Something bigger than what we can understand, something who’s power is bigger than what we can fathom, whose infinity is so much bigger than ours. I think believing in the Supreme Being looking over us is a comfort to this cruel world, but is He really looking over us, I’m not so sure. I also despise the idea of heaven and hell where the heaven is a reward for those who did good things and hell is a punishment for those who didn’t do so much. When I give food to the hungry, I don’t look up and say to the heavens “You owe me one,” and when I do bad things, I don’t look down and say “I’m getting near!” Basically, I wanna own up the things I do in this mortal world. I do whatever I think is right and when things turned out to be wrong, no regrets. At least at that moment, I did what I think was right.

I may not be a faithful member of the church (or however you wanna label me) but I believed what the priest said, about not giving up. It kind of relates to my blogging too. I haven’t written anything for like ages. So sharing these thoughts I kept for myself is my way of not giving up.

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This is the first time I said these thoughts out loud or at least typed it in words.