If I Hadn’t Said Yes To A Few Drinks!

It has been ages since I last wrote something on my blog, but I guess that’s kind of my thing. I do write a lot before. I just don’t publish it ’cause I’m not that confident. I used to be really passionate about writing when I was a kid, but I lost it when I grew up and realized that the world are surrounded by horrible beings. Not all of them though, but most of them. . Especially people at work, people that surround me at my job are ridiculously horrible individuals, arrogant, self-absorbed narcissists who can’t even enumerate the function of their frontal lobe or may not even have the slightest idea that they have one. At first it didn’t bother me, but then their crap started to weigh on me. It slowed me down and made me disgusted at every moment I am surrounded by them (Ugh).  So I requested a change in my duty hours. I like my new shift because most of the time I am left alone, which peacefully allows me to think and be productive. Though I know sooner or later I have to go back to my old shift because so many reasons. So cheers! I’ll probably drink even more when I go back to my old shift.

Well actually, I don’t want to talk about my overly – confident colleagues. They’re not the reason why I’m writing now. The first part was just me venting and I can’t help it. I wanna talk about my drinking. On my previous entry I’m Not Extroverted Unless I had A Few Drinks!”, I talk about the downside of my drinking. Now I will talk about the good sides (huh… a silver lining after all). I used to be a non-affective kind of person. People who are close to me says I’m too hard and I don’t allow anyone to get near me. But not if I’m drunk! No one in my world has imagined that I’ll fall in love just because I said yes to a few drinks. I’m happy with who I am with and I also never have thought that I would be this happy and content. My closest friend say’s I’ve changed a lot since then, in a good way and she’s lucky that I am trying to be the best that I could for her. But I think I’m the one who got lucky here. Most of the time I hurt people because of the brutal honesty that goes out from my mouth and they can’t handle that and I never thought there would be someone who’s willing to be with me because of that. Most importantly, I’m a better person now because she inspires me to be better.

Just to be clear, I’m not encouraging anyone to drink alcohol. What I’m just trying to say is sometimes, it’s okay to loosen up a bit and be carefree or venture into the unknown. As the saying goes, “You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”.

The Writer in Me

I was trying to write a new blog about customer service or contact centers like I used to but I’m really not into it. It just sucks! Forgive my language. So on my third cup of coffee, I thought I’ll just write something, like whatever comes into mind. I’m not really a professional when it comes to stuffs like this. I used to really like writing when I was young though. I remember, I tried using a type writer even if computers were already available because it makes me feel like an authentic writer. Then I grew up! I also outgrew all those passions and imagination of a lost world inside my own thoughts. I used to say this as a joke, “my biggest mistake in life was when I decided to grow up. I wish I was forever a kid!”The world was a lot colorful when I was a kid.

When I went to college, I majored in BS Psychology. Psychology was really fun for me, but the decision why I took up the course was a decision not really clear to me either. Maybe it was because of my interest to learn about people, their motives, and what drives a human person to do what he did. However, it was also the stage where I struggled different emotional breakdowns. I mastered the art of pushing feelings away and it made me stiffer than I expected. I focused myself to knowledge based on facts and evidence. I only saw the black and the white and refuses to see the gray in the middle. I hated and argued people who’s logic for me is distorted or different. But the writer inside me still tries to break free. My thesis professor used to say to me that my research was written in a little bit dramatic fashion. Well, let me tell you a secret, I included drama on it to make it a little longer. I was always drunk that time so I used to start writing my research a night before the deadline, still under the influence of alcohol.

Then I started to work for a living. Now I’m working as a SEO specialist and a social media expert for a contact center and it’s software company. My position requires me to bring out the writer in me again. At first I was thrilled because it felt like I’ll be doing something once so familiar to me. Later on, I started flailing. It’s so difficult to work on something related to your job when your head is somewhere else. I always had these moments when I just stare blankly to my computer screen not understanding whatever I’m looking at. Right now I’m addicted to the band “Of Monsters and Men” and their lyrics are so deep and I think to myself, why can they be so artistic incorporating rhythm to words and here I am, couldn’t figure out how to finish a paragraph on a topic I’m so familiar with?! And I have no idea how to finish this article either!

Ironic, isn’t it? Maybe I just need to talk to someone, or maybe I’ll try drinking before coming to work (Of course, I can’t do that because I’ll loose my job). But just a thought, maybe alcohol can again bring out the drama and the writer in me. I remembered a line from a show I am watching, the main character said, “Truth is a battle of perception. We are only willing to believe what we are ready to confront. Sometimes, it’s not what we look at that matters, it’s how we see it.” But what if what you’re looking at doesn’t make sense to you or what you are seeing is beyond your own understanding?

I would like to apologize to people who would stumble into this article. I know, this article seems to be just my way of venting out my frustrations. But I think I have always love writing like how I love music, books, and the artistic way of life so I choose to write and be artistic even in the deepest moments of my melancholia.

And forgive the contrast of the image. This was taken a long, long time ago. It just brought back a lot of memories…

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